I discovered that I have a breast tumor about 3 years ago while I was showering. It was a shock. In that instant, as I was soaping my body, I realized that if I didn’t take some drastic action, I was likely to be having a change of bodies much sooner than I had anticipated.
It was just a small tumor, a hard mass about the size of the tip of my little finger. I realized that I would have to make some choices regarding whether to seek medical intervention or pursue trying alternative remedies. Naturally I would have liked to discuss my options with my husband but I realized that if I shared the reality of my situation that his mind would be horribly disturbed. The only other person that I could confide in was my daughter, but we had had an odd falling out the previous Christmas and we hadn’t spoken for months and months.
I decided to keep my condition to myself and to pursue a course of action that seemed reasonable at the time. We didn’t have health insurance and even if we had, I’m very wary of the so-called health industry that seems to have policies more for the purpose of them making huge profits than for helping people with health challenges.
The first thing I did was to discuss my desire to become much more serious about spiritual life with my husband. He was very receptive and we made some changes to our routines which included getting up on a more regulated schedule for morning sadhana and canceling our Netflix account. The evening time that we’d been watching movies now became devoted to reading Srila Prabhupada’s books.
I also embarked on a strict raw food diet which I maintained for over six months and tried a number of herbal and other remedies.
At the end of the first six months on the raw food diet, I’d lost a lot of weight and was much more conscious of Krsna, but the tumor hadn’t shrunk and I still felt achy and tired most of the time. Then I found out about Jim Humble’s discovery that a common water purifying chemical would cure most diseases including cancer. He calls his remedy Miracle Mineral Solution (MMS) because it is a mineral, chlorine dioxide, that contains free oxygen molecules that help the body combat disease, especially microbes, parasites and fungi.
After doing research on MMS and hearing many very compelling testimonials, I ordered the sodium chlorite to make the chlorine dioxide. I also purchased calcium hypochlorite, a mineral with even more extra oxygen that was recommended by Jim Humble’s organization for cancer.
The MMS worked like magic for my energy level. Suddenly I needed much less sleep, my thoughts were clearer and I was much less achy. It was difficult to take, however because it needed to be taken on an empty stomach: any food in the system would quickly absorb the free oxygen molecules. Additionally because the chlorine dioxide quickly converted to sodium chloride (salt) within an hour or two, at least 6 doses needed to be consumed per day. That meant that I had to be thinking about my medicine routine (and the tumor) constantly.
While I felt much better, the MMS did not shrink the tumor. In fact it seemed to be slowly growing during the two years of so that I regularly took the MMS. At one point I started having a reaction to the calcium hypochlorite and started vomiting the dose. When the vomit started to contain small amounts of blood, I discontinued taking it and only took the chlorine dioxide.
The tumor continued to grow.
As it became noticeably larger, I began to think that perhaps I needed to have it surgically removed. I had read about the symptoms of metastasized cancer and surmised that the severe pain in my hip bone (not joint) that was the first thing I thought about every morning when I got up, was metastasized cancer. Bone cancer is a very common progression of breast cancer, apparently. Because all of our income goes towards supporting our self reliant project, we didn’t have the funds to hire a surgeon to perform the surgery. I didn’t want to apply to Obamacare for government health insurance because I don’t feel that I have to accept charity from such an evil organization as the US government. All I could do was depend on Krsna to give me the intelligence and the facilities to make the right decisions.
Although I did go to a doctor to document the presence of the tumor ($125 at an urgent care clinic) and get a referral for surgery (given top priority because of the size of the tumor—about 2.5”), I was unable to come up with the money either for the required ultrasound, the consultation or the surgery.
That was when Mercy Mack, a second generation devotee living at New Nandagram made a video and started a Gofundme to raise funds to be able to travel to India in an effort to find a real doctor.
There was an amazing generous outpouring of funds from my friends and even from strangers. There were also numerous, kind, suggestions regarding potential cures and treatments ranging from “fast for 30 days on just urine” to “trust the doctors.” Perhaps the most interesting health “lead” was from a devotee in Germany who insisted that I watch a video on breast cancer that explained Dr. Hamer’s work with cancer.
Dr. Hamer is an oncologist who experienced a mortifying tragedy: his son was shot dead during a boating outing. Several months later Dr. Hamer discovered that he had testicular cancer. Dr. Hamer put together the timing and location of his tumor as being connected somehow with his tragedy and began questioning his patients as to whether they had undergone a crisis or conflict prior to discovering that they had cancer. He discovered that indeed they had, 100% of them.
His theory is that a tumor is the body’s reaction to trauma or crisis and that the tumor is the first stage of a biological program that will evolve to the second (healing) stage when the trauma or crisis has been resolved. During the tumor stage, there are usually few or no symptoms other than the existence of the tumor. As the crisis becomes resolved, the body’s healing mechanism promotes the growth of TB bacteria that serve the purpose of disintegrating the tumor. During this second stage, the person with the tumor may experience pain, fever and other symptoms as the body deals with cleaning up the disintegrating tumor.
With breast cancer, Dr. Hamer discovered that the tumor is almost always related to a serious loss. He found that for right handed women (who naturally hold their child on their left hip), the loss of a child results may result in a tumor in the left breast. I am right handed and my tumor is in my left breast. I lost my daughter shortly before I discovered the tumor.
My daughter is still living, but she hasn’t been emotionally available to me for three years. Here is my understanding of how I’ve lost her:
How My Decisions Caused My Daughter to be Tortured by a Monster
In 1984 my husband and I moved to New Dvarka where I ran the gift shop and Niscinta, my husband ran Temple Services. New Dvarka had a daycare/preschool and I enrolled my daughter there. It was located in a house with a yard across the street from the temple. The mataji running it, Dharma, seemed to be a sweet devotee.
I didn’t have any suspicions about the care my daughter was receiving until another mother approached me concerned that something might be happening there involving Dharma’s husband, Kurma. I asked my friend why she suspected such a thing and she replied that her daughter had some very odd body language when she asked her about the situation. While I thought it might be deemed odd to make a big deal with so little evidence, I decided that I would do everything in my power to fully investigate whether something was amiss.
I went directly to Ramesvara and told him that the daycare needed to be closed pending further investigation. Ramesvara discounted my concern and offhandedly said that it would be looked into. He wasn’t willing to close the school. I made sure that every parent was aware of the concern and it wasn’t long before someone called the police. Kurma and Dharma packed their car and left the community. I remember standing next to Ramsesvara as Kurma was getting into his car to leave and asking Ramesvara to order his disciple, Kurma, to stay to be investigated. That didn’t happen and Kurma fled to Ohio, only to later be extradited to LA for trial. He was convicted and sentenced to 50 years in jail. The long jail sentence was due to the gravity and seriousness of the abuse he committed. Apparently his wife testified that she’d even stabbed him with a knife at one point to try to get him to stop abusing the children.
I moved to Thailand before the court case, but I heard rumors from several sources that Kurma had held my daughter under water in a bath tub until she almost drowned. Repeatedly.
After the daycare experience, my daughter grew into a child with a moody and melancholy disposition. She’d talk about suicide and tell me that she wished she’d never been born. I tried to keep her upbeat, getting her horses, riding lessons, taking her to soccer and having philosophical discussions. Still as she grew up, people would tend to describe her as “negative.” We talked about this attitude and she worked on shaking it. She started working jobs such as tending an orchid nursery when she was 14 and farm work after we returned to the mainland from Hawaii. Keeping busy seemed to keep the melancholy at bay and when she became a very successful horse trainer as a young adult, I thought she had the negative attitude beat.
For years I rarely thought about the abuse she had endured until events in my own spiritual growth had me investigate what seems to be a malignancy of child abuse throughout the world and especially within ISKCON. At that point I began to understand the seriousness of such trauma and to also understand my role in having been the mother who daily dropped her daughter off to be tortured by a monster. I realized that I should have been able to recognize the subtle clues that would inevitably be there at the place the abuse was occurring. But I was unable to consciously register them.
I began to feel unworthy of love from my daughter. And she began to subconsciously reject me. We are ethereally connected, but I was severing our connection due to my feelings of unworthiness.
Finally she consciously severed our connection and has refused to speak to me for the last three years. When that rejection became apparent to me, I developed a tumor in my left breast.
As I began to understand the implications of Dr. Hamer’s discoveries, I started to work on resolving the conflict within my own psyche so that I could heal. One of the most valuable realizations that I have ever had came to me through my daily sadhana in which, after worshiping my Deities, I recite a sloka from the Srimad Bhagavatam, Sixth Canto, Chapter 19, Text 5.
yathā — as; tvam — You; kṛpayā — with mercy; bhūtyā — with opulences; tejasā — with prowess; mahima–ojasā — with glory and strength; juṣṭaḥ — endowed; īśa — O my Lord; guṇaiḥ — with transcendental qualities; sarvaiḥ — all; tataḥ — therefore; asi — You are; bhagavān — the Supreme Personality of Godhead; prabhuḥ — the master.
O my Lord, because You are endowed with causeless mercy, all opulences, all prowess and all glories, strength and transcendental qualities, You are the Supreme Personality of Godhead, the master of everyone.
One day while reciting this sloka I realized that everything that happens is because Krsna wants us to want to be conscious of Him and love Him. He had put me into a position in which I felt myself to be unworthy of love so that in the future I’d be able to recognize and act on the “red flags” that I hadn’t consciously noticed when my daughter was being abused. I realized that Krsna is literally “the master of everyone”, including myself, my daughter and even the demons. We are all getting life experiences that, while they may seem to push us further from Him, are actually eventually getting us to the point that we will be able to surrender to Him.
When I had that realization, I was finally able to cry about the loss of my daughter and my heart again called out in love towards her. I realize that I am worthy of being loved and that I am capable of loving.
The next prayer that I recite in my daily sadhana is to Mother Laxmi, the Mother of the entire world. I had been rejected by my own mother (long story) and my daughter had rejected my love, but I now feel connected with the source of all Motherly love.
My tumor is probably beginning to heal because it now hurts, itches and looks really ugly, even at the surface.
Srila Prabhupada’s Heart Attacks on the Jaladutta
Dr. Hamer also has theories regarding heart attacks. He surmises that heart attacks are actually the body’s mechanism to strengthen the heart to prepare it for a more rigorous future. His theory developed from his study animals in which he noticed that a male deer who loses his territory after a fight with a rival will then often suffer a heart attack. If the deer survives the heart attack, his heart will respond by becoming stronger. In a future encounter with the rival buck, the deer with the strengthened heart will have a greater likelihood of prevailing.
It is certainly the case that Srila Prabhupada not only survived three heart attacks that would have killed an ordinary man, but he also emerged physically able to accomplish superhuman feats. Of course his accomplishments were due to his transcendental consciousness, but it follows that his physical body would need to be in proper fighting condition to take on the rigors that were about to follow.
My On-going Health Journey
I still have the tumor and if it were to be examined by a typical Western doctor, he’d probably advise that I rush to surgery, get a zillion tests for metastasis, and start chemo and radiation. However I rarely even give it a thought. My focus these days is on developing a facility in which devotees will be able to live the lifestyle that our spiritual master prescribed for us: simple living and high thinking. I am also focused on developing love and friendship with Srila Prabhupada and my Deities. And my main focus is on rescuing Srila Prabhupada’s copyrights from those misled people who are changing his words. I have accepted nomination as a BBT Trustee and I vow to do everything in my power to preserve Srila Prabhupada’s pure words.
While following leads that crossed my path regarding healing, I came across a woman, Eileen McKusick, who uses tuning forks that are shaped exactly like tilak to help people who have improperly processed trauma from their past. She discovered that passing a tuning fork through a person’s aura causes the tuning fork to develop audible overtones and undertones that correspond to experiences in a person’s life. These tones are understandable to anyone in much the same way that we can understand the mood of music: a happy melody is quite different from a melancholy melody. Her research has caused her to understand that each person’s electromagnetic field (aura) contains links to the akasha (ether) that can be mapped. She has also developed techniques using the tuning forks that facilitate a person’s connectiveness with the Big Akasha that she calls “columning”. I will be writing more about this and some amazing experiences I’ve had with healing other people in a future article.
Please join our efforts to reignite the dynamic spiritual movement that was sparked by Srila Prabhupada when he chanted the Holy Name under the tree in Tompkins Square Park. Srila Prabhupada is still with us!