Understanding devotees with mental illness…
Several times in my life I’ve experienced the harm, hurt and drama caused by someone purposefully trying to destroy my reputation. I’m fairly sure that something similar has happened to many people so I’m writing this article to explore the most Krishna conscious way to deal with the person or people who feel compelled to unjustly badmouth someone who is trying to become Krishna conscious.
If all followers of Srila Prabhupada had followed his instructions regarding lifestyle I wouldn’t be writing this article because we would be living in a community in which we depend on one another for our basic comforts, prosperity and security. In such a simple living, high thinking community, each community member would have had many, many encounters with other community members and would have developed an accurate assessment of the character of each man, woman and child. This is because he either depends on the others to some extent, or has some responsibility towards him or her
In such a community, if one member started spreading the notion that, for instance, my husband is manipulative and greedy or that I’m a bad cook, an honest community member, hearing the criticism, would question the motives and character of the false notion-spreader because he truly knows that my husband is generous, capable, realistic and kind. For instance when I needed a gift for a baby shower, Bala (my husband) used his skill as a wood-turner to turn a beautiful heirloom wooden teething toy with a loose ring. Giving such a gift demonstrates that he is skilled, artistic and loving. When we get a call that someone needs help catching a bee swarm or a runaway horse (both things have happened), Bala drops everything and assists with the urgent event, not expecting anything in return. When our elderly neighbors had a sewer line mishap during inclement weather, Bala was there with his plunger and shovel. No expectation of anything in return. Similarly in our community (I’m talking about surrounding karmis), if someone were to try to assert that I’m a poor cook, the community member would likely distrust the complainer because he or she would have had prasadam that I’d prepared.
Why do I feel that I have to defend myself when a person who purports to be a devotee maliciously badmouths me? And at the same time, why do I feel that if I defend myself, it is as if it gives some validity to the criticism? After all, we tend to believe that in a dispute, when there are two sides to a story that the truth is somewhere in the middle. However there are malicious people who do lie, cheat and steal and if someone runs into such a person, it isn’t a matter of two sides to a story: it is a matter of a false story versus the truth.
To Get to the Truth
Here is my analysis of how to determine the truth when hearing about purported poor behavior on the part of someone who is presenting himself/herself as a devotee, keeping in mind that Srila Prabhupada warned us that demons like to disguise themselves as devotees.
A few years ago I got a call from a devotee who informed me, when I answered the phone, that he wanted to tell me something about another devotee. The caller, Haridas (not his real name), made it clear that what he wanted to tell me was derogatory, so I replied that I didn’t want to hear it as it was likely something that I couldn’t unhear. Haridas is my senior and I respect him, so when he roared at me, “shut up and listen to what I have to say!”, I didn’t hang up the phone. And I can’t unhear what he told me.
Naturally after hearing the story that Haridas had to tell, which, if true, did provide information that was relevant, I called the devotee who was the subject of the story. For the purposes of this article, I’ll call him Dharma. I knew Dharma quite well and found his association to be Krishna conscious and I appreciate his philosophical analyses, so I didn’t want the story to be true. However when I asked him the question, “is it possible that you could have done something and are now unable to remember it?”, he naturally replied, “no.” Then when I asked him if he believed it was ever possible for someone to do something serious and then not be able to recall, he replied, “no.” I know that his second answer is untrue because he and I had had discussions about psychological phenomena, including multiple personality disorder, so I knew that he knew that it was possible for a person to have missing time in which he behaved in a way that was outside his moral tethers. In this case, no other hard facts regarding the story were available, so I sadly had to end my association with Dharma.
This experience with Haridas and Dharma got me to thinking about how much I’d learned simply by caring for cows and trying to live the lifestyle that Srila Prabhupada instructed us to live. The most important thing I’ve realized is that my goal is to behave in such a way that Krishna feels inclined to reveal Himself. The only thing that really matters is my connection with the Holy Name. That connection is so Real that sometimes it can make me cry, but it is not something that can be seen with the eyes. It has to be perceived, and that perception is so strong, that even in a less-than-fully awakened form, it can cause bodily symptoms that are real and undeniable. Awakening that connection with Krishna comes with added benefits, such as the ability to perceive things that are not visible to the eyes. (A very good article from 1970 BTG by Acyutananda das Brahmacari)
Yes, I can perceive ghosts. Actually we all can because the beings inhabiting the mental realm are admonished to cause as much drama and chaos as possible. When you perceive drama, in all likelihood, there are some invisible clowns behind it. If you consider that the corporeal person presenting the drama might just possibly be subscribing to some malevolent thought streams, you’re on the way to perceiving the ghost. Once you notice that the person has different personalities, depending on time and circumstance, you’ve perceived the ghost.
Sevananda came to stay with us a year and a half ago. He had been living in Taiwan and Hong Kong for over four decades and then a devotee offered our farm project a substantial donation, I immediately offered the entire donation to Sevananda so that he could come and help us develop the project. He accepted the money and several months later, we picked him up at the airport.
He was very disoriented (the pun was unintentional) when he first arrived and I had to help him dial phone numbers and navigate the state bureaucracy so that he could have an income. We had been very clear with him that our own finances are precarious and we have difficulty twice a year coming up with the property taxes. We do not buy anything that is not absolutely necessary, with a substantial portion of our meager income going towards buying hay for the cows in the winter. Sevananda received $900/mo from the state and he got that amount because he claimed on his application form that I helped him fill out, that he was paying $300/mo. rent. Apparently applicants who live rent-free get reduced state ssi checks. For eight months we didn’t ask for any financial help so that Sevananda could save a little and have some security. He was able to save and occasionally buy extravagant purchases such as $1200 high-tech top of the line glasses–(that purchase happened after I remarked that if I had extra money, I’d use it to get an eye exam and glasses). We drove him to many, many dentist appointments (he had all his teeth pulled and dentures made), chiropractor appointments and even to a friend’s place for a massage (which she donated in respect for our friendship). Sevananda never offered to pay any gas money even though the denture appointments were over an hour’s drive away. Nor did he ever thank us for the rides. After 8 months of Sevananda proving that he was more of a burden than an asset on our farm, we asked him to give us the $300 rent money that he told the state he was paying.
In what ways was Sevananda more of a burden than an asset? When he first arrived, Sevananda informed Bala that he intended to take over the project. Bala replied that he’d like nothing better (Bala is 10 years Sevananda’s senior), but that he’d have to learn. Sevananda replied that he already knew everything and quickly demonstrated that he knew very little about growing food, caring for cows or maintaining a property. Unfortunately with his attitude, we were unable to get any valuable work from him. After proving that he was unable to work the garden under Bala’s instruction, we gave Sevananda his own garden plot and asked him to grow root vegetables. It was a disaster (although he did grow some excellent bittermelon) and we are currently sans beets, carrots and rutabagas because Sevananda didn’t thin and weed his plot, although he was instructed that it was necessary. He occasionally puttered around his garden plot, but spent most of his time in the small, well insulated building that he lived in. I honestly don’t know what he did with his time. I asked him many times and he always avoided answering. I still wonder.
It soon became apparent to us that Sevananda had two distinct personalities. One Sevananda was interested in herbal medicine and could discuss Krsna conscious philosophy. The other personality would threateningly poke his fingers at me if I, for instance, suggested that he take responsibility for leaving the irrigation hose running (after being instructed on the dangers of leaving it unattended) and burning up the $500 water pump. The finger-poking personality could be quite intimidating, yet Sevananda was always able to do the bare minimum to keep us from asking him to leave. That was until he almost burned down our house and refused to take responsibility, blaming the “too dry” firewood. That incident forced us to realize that his presence was detrimental to our well-being and detrimental to our project.
After the woodstove incident, Bala and I reviewed his behavior since his arrival and realized that he never asked us for anything. If he needed to go to a dentist appointment, he would say something like, “I have a dentist appointment at 10:00”, but he would never add, “could you please drive me?” He would wait until we discussed the condition of the car (it is very old and needs constant maintanance) and which of us was available to take him. When I’d fixed a meal, I’d call him to eat, but he’d never say “thank you”. For months and months he didn’t even compliment the meals (even when they were fantastic) until we pointed out how odd it was that he didn’t express any appreciation. At one point, during his tooth extraction saga, I took a gallon of milk and made it into sweet rice so that he’d have something palatable to eat. It was an effort to make the sweet rice, especially because I’m experiencing a form of cancer that has zapped my energy. Because he ate it all, Sevananda apparently appreciated the sweet rice which I’d earmarked for his consumption only, but he didn’t thank me. He was losing so much weight that I made him batches of sweet rice every time he ran out and finally when he never expressed any gratitude, I asked him why. That question brought out the finger-poking personality and I backed off making the sweet rice, although I continued to fix meals that could be blended in the blender to accommodate him.
After the woodstove incident, Bala and I decided that because Sevananda would not take any responsibility for anything or anything he did, we’d have to change our policy towards him. We informed him that he was no longer part of the project, but rather a renter. We would continue to allow him access to the house to use the bathroom and he was welcome to attend our morning and evening spiritual programs, but if he wanted anything else from us, he would have to ask. And he would have to say please and thank you. He was unable to ask us to drive him to a chiropractor appointment and canceled the appointment on the phone (we only have a landline in the living room—no cells) right in front of us rather than ask us to please drive him. He also informed our neighbor, with whom we have a great relationship, that we were starving him. The neighbor told us that Sevananda even cried.
Bala googled Sevananda’s behavior traits (won’t take responsibility, demands respect, will not apologize, creates drama, argues) and the results were “narcissistic personality disorder”. While that clinical diagnosis for a supposedly incurable “disorder”, does describe Sevananda, my perception that Sevananda was being influenced by a malevolent ethereal entity is supported by scripture. Apparently sometimes when a soul in a human body perceives that he is experiencing trauma (the soul is actually never touched by the drama of material nature), he sometimes surrenders his sovereignty to a voice in his mind promising help. Once the soul has accepted that comforting voice as being helpful, he basically subscribes to the thought streams of the invading entity, much like we subscribe to a channel on social media. Unfortunately the invading entity has his own agenda which mainly include havoc for the host.
Sevananda’s condition was not unusual. I can think of a dozen people, asserting that they are devotees, but who exhibit the above qualities (won’t take responsibility, demands respect, will not apologize, creates drama, argues) and have to conclude that the condition is common. I’ve taken a course called Spirit Releasement Therapy that includes a script that has the potential to convince an invading entity that it is in his best interest to leave his host. I convinced Sevananda to participate in the script and had a very interesting experience. At one point in the script, the subject (Sevananda) is instructed to do a body scan, starting at the feet. The script instructs the subject to slowly scan his body and to notice any sensations, images, impressions, tingling or itching. Sevananda claimed that he didn’t have any of the sensations, but while he was claiming nothing, he scratched an itch on his neck. I had suspected that the entity was attached at the neck and pointed it out to Sevananda, who became angry at the suggestion that the itch was a result of the body scan. Apparently Spirit Releasement Therapy won’t work when the subject desires to shelter the entity.
I got an email from a godbrother that prompted me to respond to the badmouthing of our project and of myself with this article. Here it is:
“You were rude,insulting – and condescending to him a lot….NO APOLOGY from you !!!!
- Sevananada das was NO LAIR. His wife was crazy. Its not all his fault,– NOT AT ALL.
- You demanded he pay you rent,,,despite – originally the agreement was ,he came only
- to work at your farm —> no rent was supposed……..
- to be asked ,he did hard service for your farm – and worked hard (even at his age+sick)
- each day he did as you required….etc..etc. ETC..F Y I – .I saw how tired he was.
- He complained he was gravely – sick ( he was, with terminal cancer )–,but
- he and you didn’t ..know it,) ,and you did NOT. Believe him when he said he was sick.(he told me).You refused him various rides to town for medicine-food he needed \ use of the kitchen8). You and Biily put too many trippy – restrictions on him,,insulted him- Youre on a Feminist TRIP !NOT to enter your home or kitchen. etc,,etc,,Locked your front door on him… !9) 100 % — Listen I do not want to continue thisconversation with you…Just believe me that your answers (are not convincing me) itshows you have no humility to see ypur mistakes , are a Man hater ,stubborn – and wrong9) You Fail to understand it takes 2 To Tango,,,Your’e also at Fault here too -Your’e not innocent !10) Let it Go,OK ? -,,he is Gone,– ,I do not want to discuss this anymore..AT ALL——- DO NOT ANSWER ME ON THIS TOPIC -. YS,JMD.IF YOU DO —— I will delete-your emails—(- not read them ). ENOUGH ALREADY !”
This email was in response to several emails that the same devotee had sent me, demanding that I apologize to Sevananda. I kept asking him, “please tell me what he says that I did that needs apologizing for.” I finally got this response, which, while it may have some points of truth, is completely skewed. It would be too tedious to tit-for-tat each point, but I’ll address one, #6. Apparently Sevananda told this devotee that we didn’t believe that he was sick. On the contrary, shortly before Sevananda left in the middle of the night without telling us (and leaving a mess), I made an appointment with a friend who is a professional massage therapist and healer and we drove Sevananda the 30 miles to my friend’s house for an hour long massage which she donated to Sevananda in respect for our relationship. The devotee who wrote the above email (I’ll call him Anartha Nirvritti) didn’t bother to validate anything Sevananda told him and actually cursed our project, telling me that no one would join our project because of our horrendous treatment of Sevananda. I strongly suspect that Anartha Prabhu might also be subscribing to a toxic thought stream.
My goal is to behave in such a way that Krishna feels inclined to reveal Himself to me through His Holy Name. I’m grateful for everything Srila Prabhupada has given me, and I’m especially grateful for his instructions regarding lifestyle. I feel that Srila Prabhupada appreciates that I was able to embrace the lifestyle instruction and that he has rewarded me with realizations that can only come from trying to live a mode of goodness lifestyle. The world is on the brink of the chaos that Srila Prabhupada warned us about and so few devotees are prepared to take advantage of the coming opportunities. I’m sorry that I had to write this article in an effort to defend my reputation and I’m sorry that it was necessary to examine Sevananda’s character. I’m sorry that so many of my godsiblings have fallen victim to the craziness that comes from subscribing to malevolent thought streams. But I’m grateful that Krishna has allowed me to perceive more about what happens in the mental realm. And I’m so grateful for the knowledge given to us by Srila Prabhupada
New Nandagram Cow Protection 